It is a sad and beautiful world...

This is from a super duper cool exhibit called “RePiano,” by NC artist Jeff Bell. It’s coming down today, but I got to see it getting all set up. It is made from piano innards. 🎹🔪🔨 View Larger

This is from a super duper cool exhibit called “RePiano,” by NC artist Jeff Bell. It’s coming down today, but I got to see it getting all set up. It is made from piano innards. 🎹🔪🔨


Anxiety Chronicles:

I smoke because I have anxiety, and the burst of chemicals makes me feel a dull and brief euphoria. When one spends the majority of the day experiencing the symptoms of anxiety, this moment is everything. It is a break. Currently and previously living in a home/apartment smack dab beside one or two or more neighbors, however, I have become increasingly anxious that the smell of my cigarette smoke is driving them all insane. I picture them waking up to the smell of burning tobacco or smelling tobacco as they sit and watch television, and gradually losing all patience. Will they yell at me? Move away? Fester in anger until I am gone? I sit and think of this when I have my last cigarette of the day (can they hear my back door opening and closing? Is that a disturbance, too?)
Today, I want to drive to the store. I ate a quick dinner, thinking that I would head out right after eating, get it over with, and stay in one place for the rest of the night. I spent my meal sitting and dreading the idea of walking into the store, alone, being seen by strangers. What if I do something wrong? (What could be done wrong at a store is beyond me. It is there for me to go inside, get what I want, pay for it, and then leave. But, what if?)
There is a pit in my stomach, and I feel as though I could cry without much effort. I will go to the store, and all will be well, but I will rush in and out as quickly as humanly possible.